Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
