in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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