She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
