Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
