I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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