and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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