someone owes me an orgasm
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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