My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i came on her dog
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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