my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
wow bdsm is so cute
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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