my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
