I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
