Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
