How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
