I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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