Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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