Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
