my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
