I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
