Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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