im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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