I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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