M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
