Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
