I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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