Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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