I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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