i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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