I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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