...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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