i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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