Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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