we have officially lost it.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
