dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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