I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize