I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
