it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
