I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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