I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
