I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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