best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
