I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize