my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
