my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
