i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
there is puke in my bra ... again
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