Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
