He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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