It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
