I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
