Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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