You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
