Plan B is the new Plan A
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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