i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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