he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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