Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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