I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
