I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
