Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Farmville is her only friend.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
