She is in my trunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
