so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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