dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
