just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
