My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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