My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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