and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
