Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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