Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
