First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just google imaged poop.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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