sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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