I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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