there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
