As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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