i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
