Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
